Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
