If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
