some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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