Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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