So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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