He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
