he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
