goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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