you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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