super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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