The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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