I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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