I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
