we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize