The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
