Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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