I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
