Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
