Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
