Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
