I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
