just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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