I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
