I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
