I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
