I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
