i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
