i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
