those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
