I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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