I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
