Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
