i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
