so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
