sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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