I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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