i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
