wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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