i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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