i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
