i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
