it hurts more in the daytime
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
