were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
