I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
