someone get that fucking seahorse.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
