oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
