come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
tell me about the fingering
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