Do you still have your period?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
