Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He passed out mid-signature
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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