is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
