trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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