I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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