scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
