Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
