yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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