I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
