did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
