So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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