i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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