i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
