Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
