He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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