I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
