About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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