While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
