Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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