I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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