I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
