I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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