I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
